Listening

Dear Bear a Storybook Review

April 9, 2019 By DeeDee

Storybook Review by DeeDee Ginns Gruenberg

Dear Bear by Joanna Harrison is one of my favorite books to help children face their fears. A little girl named Katie is convinced that a terrifying bear lives under the stairs of her house. Worried and frightened of the bear, she believes the bear’s shadow follows her when she climbs the stairs.

Imagination at Play

Katie’s mom encourages her to write a letter to the bear and tell it to go away. The bear writes back to thank her for the wonderful idea and informs her he definitely needs a vacation. The thoughts running through her head after the bear writes back are beautifully depicted with numerous illustrations which begin with a bear that looks quite menacing to a smiling, friendly bear riding a bike and enjoying his trip. The bear includes a P.S. in his letter which informs Katie that he’d be “Back on Monday.”

Writing at Play

Upon his return, the bear leaves Katie a note and present on the piano letting her know he’s happy to be back. When she stops hearing from him, she misses him and becomes concerned that he is ill. This is an excellent opportunity to discuss who was probably behind the bear’s letter writing. With mom’s encouragement, she continues correspondence and inquires if the bear is ill. After receiving a letter confirming that he is “under the weather,” Katie prepares an antidote which she leaves outside the door under the stairs.

The Bear’s next letter confirms that he is feeling better and includes an invitation to join him for tea. Again, with Katie’s mom’s encouragement, she gets all dressed up and nervously descends the stairs. As she enters the little room underneath the stairs, she finds a cute teddy bear by a tea set with a note that reads “I’m tired of living under the stairs. Can I come up and live with you instead?”

Creativity at play

The heroine in this story models for the fearful child a creative way to conquer their fears through writing, communication, imagination, and play. By following this story’s example, countless children I’ve worked with have embraced the idea of writing a letter to the source “the villain” of their fears. By writing a letter, the child concretely communicates to villain, faces their fear and asks them to disarm or go away.

Following the initial letter, the child and I are free to use our imaginations to turn around that fear. We then write a letter from the villain in response to the child, and our imaginations are endless with positive endings, apologies, and words of encouragement which we can even act out.

The book Dear Bear offers a child many tools in which to face fear, worry, and anxiety. When learned, the tools of communication, writing, imagination, and play empowers a child to live with confidence and control.

My Quiet Ship

February 6, 2019 By DeeDee

Book Review by DeeDee Ginns Gruenberg

Home should be a place where children feel safe, secure, protected and loved. While we all wish every home was a safe refuge, five million children are impacted by domestic violence every year. Common feelings among these innocent victims include feeling scared, helpless, ashamed, angry and guilty. They often feel as if they are to blame and without a supportive person in their life, the physical and psychological toll from the toxic stress they experience has lifelong repercussions.

Parental Conflict

“My Quiet Ship” was written for children experiencing parental conflict in their home. In this story, a young child models bravery and courage and the power of imagination.

“Whenever I hear the yelling, I run to that spot and become commander of the Quiet Ship.”

That “safe spot” is under his bed, where Quinn draws and uses his great imagination to take him and his cuddly plush animal crew, far, far away. They escape “from the sounds that hurt my ears and make my heart ache.” Beautiful illustrations help bring the story to life and make the reader feel a part of the empowering journey.

One night the yelling gets so intense, that

“it breaks the Quiet Ship. Quinn yells at his parents to stop fighting. When they ask why he’s under his bed, he eventually tells them “I am scared!”

Quinn is empowered; his parents’ realize how frightening it was for the child to listen to their arguments. I think this part of the story is important to explore with a child because it can be dangerous for a child to intervene when parents are fighting. It is incumbent upon us to help children create coping skills that will keep them safe! Managing the grownups who are fighting is NOT a part of the safety plan we create in our play therapy setting.

Bibliotherapy Tool

“My Quiet Ship” is an ideal bibliotherapy tool to help children feel empowered to cope with all kinds of situations that create intense emotions. It normalizes their experience and provides the distance they may need to talk about the situation.

play-therapy-room-with-meeting-area

I usually have clay available while reading to the child. After reading the story, children create their “Quiet Ship” using clay, sand or art.

In addition to using it for domestic violence, I find it has broad application when addressing anger and conflict as well. In my work I find using books like this one let the child know I am interested and that I will be able to “hold” their pain, frustration and other intense emotions.

Hallee Adelman is the author of “My Quiet Ship.” Pictures are by Sonia Sanchez.

I’m told that Self Esteem Shop will have “My Quiet Ship” on hand at the upcoming MIAPT conference.

Can’t wait to see you there!

DeeDee Ginns Gruenberg logo

Private Practice in Troy, MI

The Rabbit Listened

November 14, 2018 By DeeDee

The power of bibliotherapy – therapists often ask me to recommend books to use with clients facing the curve balls life throws at them. How about a book for Loss? Trauma? Friendship? Empathy? Listening?

“The Rabbit Listened” is my new “go to” book for these topics and more. It is beautifully illustrated and speaks directly to children and grownups alike. It is also gender neutral.

Taylor had patiently created a beautiful block-tower, only to see it destroyed by a flock of blackbirds. The child is understandably devastated by the destruction. Each of his well-meaning animal friends recognizes Taylor’s sadness and offer advice to help him/her feel better.

Taylor rejects the chicken’s suggestion to talk about it. He rejects bears recommendation to scream out his anger and declines the hyena’s suggestion to laugh his sadness away. It is the rabbit who helps Taylor find his way through the loss. How? Rabbit models what anyone experiencing loss craves – having someone be truly present and available to actively listen. Ultimately, Taylor reaches out and tries the coping techniques his friends had suggested enabling Taylor to begin rebuilding the tower.

As I’ve often said,

storybooks speak to the child in every one of us.

We all benefit from having someone who is genuinely present and listens. We are reminded that we are never too young or too old practice “rabbit speak.”

DeeDee Ginns Gruenberg, RPT-S